boundaries empower

I often speak on the importance of boundaries, but it was a lesson I struggled to apply to my own life, especially with my mother. Her presence was a constant source of frustration, a relentless critic echoing in my mind. The love I craved felt conditional, offered only when I catered to her needs or dimmed my own light. From a young age, she labeled me as “too loud” and “talkative.” A memory still stings: Fourth of July, I was five years old, a firecracker of excitement crackling inside me. Dressed in a red, white, and blue sundress with itchy lace trimmings, I bounced in the back seat of my mother’s boyfriend’s car. We were headed to a family cookout, a kaleidoscope of anticipation swirling in my stomach. I chattered excitedly about the day ahead, picturing sparklers dancing in the twilight and the smoky scent of grilled hot dogs. Suddenly, my mother’s voice, laced with a tension I couldn’t understand, cut through my chatter. “Why are you so loud? Can’t you be quiet for just five minutes?” Her words were a slap, the echo of them bouncing around the car, silencing my enthusiasm. It was a familiar refrain, a sharp reminder that my exuberance was unwelcome, a threat to her control.

Years later, the root of her behavior became painfully clear. I was a constant, unfair reminder of my father, the man who chose another. His absence fueled her rage and resentment, and I became the scapegoat for her pain. Decades passed, her sadistic tendencies unyielding, the wounds she inflicted festering within me.

My own daughter bravely broke free from toxic ties, a path I desperately wanted to follow. Now, though I hold no malice for my mother, being around her would only keep this cycle of pain going. While my love for her remains, preserving my own well-being requires firm, unwavering boundaries.

It took a lifetime of hurt and the courage of my own child to understand: I wasn’t the cause of her pain, and I no longer have to suffer for it. Breaking the pattern isn’t about anger, but about self-preservation. It’s about recognizing that while love can be unwavering, it cannot come at the cost of my spirit.